Subject: Timothy's Introduction
My name is Timothy, a Year 1
student studying mechanical engineering at the Singapore Institute of
Technology (SiT). Today, I am writing to introduce myself to you so that you can
get to know and understand me better.
I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in 2021 with a Diploma in Aeronautical Engineering. How did I end up in engineering? When I was younger, it was my interest in vehicles such as aeroplanes and cars that made me wonder how they would work. Furthermore, as I progressed through school, I ended up being the most proficient in Math and Physics, the main subjects which engineers study and use. However, I believe what really sealed the deal for me was that I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps as he is an engineer.
Personally, I’m quite harsh on myself when it comes to my strengths, but what I’ve been told by my peers is that when I face difficulties in my life, I am always determined to find a way past them. Having great resilience is said to be my strong suit as I do not let setbacks get to me so I can consistently pursue and achieve my goals.
In terms of communication, I seem to be quite weak at confidently expressing myself in both text and speech. I do believe I am proficient in English, as much as the next person. However, it is rather difficult to confidently express ideas and opinions without the fear and pressure of being wrong.
In this module, I want to be
able to learn new communication skills to expand my network as well as
confidently express my ideas while being able to accept constructive feedback
to work on my personal growth.
I hope to get to know you better as well, Professor, and I look forward to learning many things from you.
Yours Sincerely,
Timothy Josh
Edited : 23 November 2023
Blogs read :
- Joey
- Jiale
- Rachael
Hi Timothy, great organised examples provided and follow up details. The first thing I noticed is the length of your letter. I'm sure you can bring it closer to the word limit by going straight to the point. The use of metaphors definitely makes the letter more engaging to read but at the same time makes it seem slightly informal. Also take note on the grammatical errors on the second paragraph :).
ReplyDeleteHi Timmy. "However, I believe what really sealed the deal for me was that I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps as he is an Electrical Engineer" makes your decision to choose MECHANICAL engineering sound counter-intuitive. Maybe you can modify the statement to say that you want to follow in his footsteps as a n engineer, NOT an electrical engineer. I also feel that the third paragraph is sweet but it takes away from the clarity of your introduction. Other than those, I like your introduction :)
ReplyDeleteHi TIm, Your introduction letter is really great! Your letter is full with content. The letter structure is good. Your start from your background, then you talk about dream, your hobbies, your strength and weaknesses and finally your goal in this module in an organized flow. For the language area, it generally ok to me but still some error here and there.
ReplyDeleteDear Timothy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the informative letter. I especially appreciate learning about the development of your interest in engineering and how your dad being one 'sealed the deal' for you. At my kids' (and wife's) school, where most of the students are Filipino, I've met many parents, and that seems to be the job that most hold. (And I often think how nice it would be if the Philippines could keep these talents at work 'back home.' The country needs them, not just their currency.)
I'm also impressed by how you describe your comm skills, though there may be roo for more elaboration.
Though the letter is fluent, there are a few language issues to review:
1. overuse of caps
-- a Year 1 student studying Mechanical Engineering in the Singapore Institute of Technology (SiT).- > (Does the area of study require caps?)
-- ...I ended up being the most proficient in Math and Physics, .... > (Must these subject be capped?) ?
-- Yours Sincerely, > ?
2. phrasing
-- Having great resilience is said to be my strong suit, not letting setbacks get to me and complete my goals. > (How could you use parallel structure in verb forms to make this a more effective sentence?)
This is mostly a good effort though. I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter. I will take note of the necessary changes I can take to improve my letter, especially reading up on parallel structure for verb forms as well as the appropriate usage of capital letters.
Best Regards,
Timothy